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| been a long fucking time. slowly learned to just not trust anyone. cuz there all fucking lying about sumthing or another. it really hurts. how sumone u thought u had sumthing with can just lie right out of there ass. and keep lying. about the dumbest of shit. when ll they have to do to make it better is just tell the fucking truth. cuz u think it cant get worse, an u get to the point were it doesnt even hrut anymore. and then there still fucking lying to u. y? i have no effing idea. they pull a bunch of bullshit to save there asses, but it only fucks shit up more. and then, they sit there. and bitch. nonstop. about all the fucking drama and bullshit that goes on in ur life. well honey, truth is u create most of it. life is fucking drama. no matter what u do, itl always be drama. unless u go back to like 3rd grade, when drama was having ur bet friend mad at u cuz u forgot to call her after skool. but even then it wasnt the kinda pain that makes u sick to ur stomach. well, to all of u, ud be happy to kno that im not trusting any of u anymore. i look around, i see sumone i thought loved me more then anything in the world. sumone i thought id never have to doupt. sumone whos madly in love with me. sumone whos completely dilluded about who they realy are. what the meaning of life is. sum one whos completly content. i see alot of opinions. dillon shouldnt be with me. im a slut. there all fakes. hiding behind a certian type of clothing. im not in the wrong. im not a bitch. im not the lier here. i never meant to this to happen. i dont kno what to do. its all like im telling one big fucking storie. a bunch of shit goes wrong. people change. things change. u choose to take sides. u all bitch. u all say u want the drama to stop. well take a good look at urself. realize that, in fact, u create drama too. u hurt people. ur not always right. even in ur own head. u might go, oh look, im not ike that, or, im not doign that i didnt do that. but that doesnt mean its true. only when people take the time to realize, that even there opinions can be wrong, will this world ever get better. only when we truly start caring.stop being such assholes. or stoners, or drunks, or sluts. w/e u wanna call it or w/e pisses u off. its all gotta change. and thats it. | | |
| list of things to do:
*feed myself before i die. there is NO food in my house right now
*go see dillon
*hang out with jordan and meg
*go skating with mike and guy this saterday
*meet sumone sexy(its a nessesity)
*um, clean my room
*stop going to bed at like 7 in the morning and waking up at 3
*help beth paint her room
*go to barnes and noble and buy "and then he ate my boy entrancers" so i can find out what happends next in my favorite book series
yeah well i think thats it. today i just hung out with mike and dan. we watched a clockwork orange. i do declair that is an awesome movie. and the more u see it the better it gets. hmm. lesson learned tonight? dont take a shower, get dressed, then sit on the wet towel u just dryed urself off with. duh. | | |
| yeah so i was just sitting here thinking, cuz im really effing bored, and i realized sumthing. i have alot of people in my life that i dont kno what to think about them. and then, when i finally start thinking that i have sum idea in my brain about them, they go and do sumthing that totally fucks it up. and then i really dont kno what to think. and its like emotional rubber bands. if that makes sense at all. and if this makes sense, i think mines about to snap. like im going fucking crazy. life is like pure drama. and i hate drama. and now im so lost up in the cloudy thoughts of this that i dont even kno what im thinking anymore. all i kno is i want an icee. i wish i lived by a bp. or a gas station in general. yeah, a blue fucking icee and sum cheetos, the german kind(if u dont alreayd kno what i mean by that plz dont ask cuz its a really long fucking storie).but yeah, i saw beth and mike and dan today. i kinda like haveing a life. its kewl. cuz u see, when u start tweeking out and ur about to kill sumthing, there always like omg im worried im gonna get u out of ur house. speaking of killing things, me and my moms "good period" is now officailly over. i try to be nice which was really hard in the first place, but now its just painfully clear that she is just another one of those stupid ignorant fuckers in the world. and she should be shot. or in the case of today, have her face beaten in by me with a rock. u have no idea how close i was at doing that. she is suck a stupid twat!! i was gonna cut andrews hair, and as soon as he got here she started flipping a bitch like blah blah blah i tod u u werent alowed to see him and hes not suposed to be here.... so i started to leave with him, and she starts screaming and grabs the phone about to call the cops. u wanna kno what i did? i took the phone and threw it at her. then i started walking back out he door cuz i didnt wanna be by her and shes like u get back in this house and we did the yes no yes thing for like 5 minutes untill she simply said" come back in here before i come make u" and i told her to come make me, that if she touched me id be happy cuz id give me every reason to punch her nose in. so basically today, months of shit, like rumors and breaking up with dillon and trying to be nice to that cunt all just exploded out of me. like a time bomb. i fear i have no tolerance or sanity left in me. my mind has left the building, and been replaced with a bucthers knife in my hand. watch out mama.... | | |
| hola. what is up. im sitting here with dan cuz megans over at chris's. probly mackin. silly girl. if it wasnt chris id say lucky girl. we left at like 8ish. and shes still over there. oh well. its been a decent weekend. friday was the show which kinda got fucked up cuz dillon and mike were suposed to go but dan said he wasnt gonna pick up anyone else so i left my phone at megs. the show wasnt that great, except for blood left dry. there always awesome. chrissy and caitlin werent having fun tho. which is gay. but i saw boom boom and dan, and jessogne. and sum other fucks. but yeah it wasnt that great. then we went to the carnival the next day and got these really awesome hats. there like big fuzzy tophats, mines pink and meggys is black. there really fucking awesome. like cum in my pants awesome, then beth came to the carbnival and we drove back to dans for awhile. with chris. he, meggy really likes him. then today we did basically nothing. which sucks. and dan says that i should end this with dan is hot just so everyone knows. so, dan is hot. bye people. | | |
| life fucking blows. that n theres this stupid little thing at the top of the page that says shoot the pirate. gr. well lets see were to begin. saterday was the show. it was awesome. james's band(blood left dry) kicked so much ass it was crazy. it was even better that they went after jamies band cuz that kids ass and they made them sound like shit. so i was like woo. there was also alot of other good bands, um ashes to veil or sumthing liek that was amazingly good. then me and meggy met these 2 really fucking hot kids. boo and aaron. it was kinda funie cuz me and meg were doing the im to shy to go talk to them, so dan fucking picked me up, carried me over to aaron and set me in front of him. i had one of those uhh.. umm. uhhh kinda moments were u dont kno what to say. then i finally said hi, he said hi back, i felt my face turning red to i turned around and kicked dans ass. but me and meg wound up talking to them anyway. then it fucking worked out perfectly cuz meg and boo disapeared and i was trying to find her. then i saw aaron after he said he was leaving and i was like what r u still doing here i thought u were leaving? and hes like i was but uh, ur friend is over there making out with my friend. and i was like ugh no fair i wanna make out and hes like so i do and im like we should go jion him, and he practically took my hand and dragged me over there, it was kewl.he was an amazingly good kisser. he kept doing this little lip bity thing and like sucking on my lip ring. i thought i was gonna cum in my pants. matter of fact i think he ate the ball to my lip ring. im pretty sure he did. cuz after we were done it was gone. but it was still really awesome. i dont think ive ever met some one as hot as that. he was a stud to cuz i saw him go up and kiss sum other girl. probly his gf. hah. but hey what do i care. yeah i also found jessogne there. it was kewl. then i came home(to dans cuz thats my second home) and i like passed out. it was great fun. and im not gona mention all the shit thats going on between me and dillon so that i can leave on a good note. peace. | | |
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